So until 6 months ago I was doing really well. I was losing weight, toning and generally healthy. I was running (well really it was probably jogging but I am being positive) 4kms per day and absolutely loving it. If I didn't exercise I noticed immediately how it affected me. I even quit smoking and managed to continue losing weight. I was down to about 75kgs and had a whole new wardrobe.
When I started WW in 2002 I weighed 124.9. I don't know that I have ever been 75kgs before. Well since I was about 11 anyway! I started gaining weight when I was about 5. Yes 5!!! Now when I hear stories about children being overweight I just want to cry. I was bullied in primary school and high school for my weight but never really thought I had any control over it. I remember when I was about 10 I asked my mum to take me to WW and she said lets wait till your a little older. Boy do I wish she had just listened to me. I figured there was nothing wrong with eating the way I did. Having no friends I had no reason to go outside and play. I didn't know any better! But now I do.
After a few set backs last year I have managed to regain about 20kgs. My vice is food. I just adore it and although I had learnt to control the desire (or at least thought I had) I had just forgotten that I cared. It's funny how mental health affects your sense of control. As my anxiety got worse the amount of food I ate would increase until it was almost no problem to get home from work and eat until it was time to go to bed.
Now I am medicated and in much better control I have decided it is time to start again. At 96.8kgs I have NOTHING to wear. During my previous weight loss journey before this hiccup I was throwing out clothes or donating them or selling them as soon as they no longer fitted. Since regaining these 20kgs I have had many days where I really didn't know what I was going to wear and occasionally have had to borrow clothes. My wardrobe consist almost entirely of size 12 clothes. I went through it and managed to discover a few 14's and 16's that must have been bypassed (luckily) and so have been wearing these few items to death.
I think the turning point came last weekend after finishing my jar of nutella (with a spoon) and realising that I had an engagement party to go to next weekend. This wouldn't be a problem as I have a few work clothes that would have been ok. UNTIL... I had another look at the invitation... Semi-formal/Cocktail (enter expletives here... and many of them).
Hence I put that spoon down... after finishing the jar of course and made my weekly eating plan for the next week. I have managed to exercise every day for 20 mins... which isn't to bad after 6 months off and have tracked everything that has passed my lips. I have saved points and rekindled the desire to get back into that wardrobe!!! I was reminded how important that was on Tuesday when one of the only 2 pairs of slacks I have for work broke. I went to the toilet before going home and as I was doing up the zipper... it broke... lucky my shirt was long enough to cover it. Devastated that it meant I had to go shopping for clothes when I have a WHOLE wardrobe of clothes that don't fit has just made me more determined.
Plus, I always wanted to get to goal. I never wanted to just focus on any number. I want to be in my healthy weight range. I want to be normal not obese or overweight. I want to know that I can wear anything and not be worrying that my stomach is hanging over my pants. I really want my outsides to match my insides. I want to be hot and able to wear ANYTHING I want!!!
So here I am blogging to cement this commitment. Whether anyone reads it or not. I want to know that I can do this. I need to prove it to myself. After getting so close I know it is possible. I have even lowered my goal weight from 64 to 60 so I am midway in my healthy weight range. I don't want to just get there... I want to absolutely smash it.
This decision has already made me light. Having fat on your body is not nearly as heavy as the weight you carry around when you are half hearted about your decision. So no more half heartedness. I have worked out that if I am really good and resist hot chips and nutella (which believe me will be tough) that I can make it to goal by the end of the year.
So that is my goal. December here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I started WW in 2002 I weighed 124.9. I don't know that I have ever been 75kgs before. Well since I was about 11 anyway! I started gaining weight when I was about 5. Yes 5!!! Now when I hear stories about children being overweight I just want to cry. I was bullied in primary school and high school for my weight but never really thought I had any control over it. I remember when I was about 10 I asked my mum to take me to WW and she said lets wait till your a little older. Boy do I wish she had just listened to me. I figured there was nothing wrong with eating the way I did. Having no friends I had no reason to go outside and play. I didn't know any better! But now I do.
After a few set backs last year I have managed to regain about 20kgs. My vice is food. I just adore it and although I had learnt to control the desire (or at least thought I had) I had just forgotten that I cared. It's funny how mental health affects your sense of control. As my anxiety got worse the amount of food I ate would increase until it was almost no problem to get home from work and eat until it was time to go to bed.
Now I am medicated and in much better control I have decided it is time to start again. At 96.8kgs I have NOTHING to wear. During my previous weight loss journey before this hiccup I was throwing out clothes or donating them or selling them as soon as they no longer fitted. Since regaining these 20kgs I have had many days where I really didn't know what I was going to wear and occasionally have had to borrow clothes. My wardrobe consist almost entirely of size 12 clothes. I went through it and managed to discover a few 14's and 16's that must have been bypassed (luckily) and so have been wearing these few items to death.
I think the turning point came last weekend after finishing my jar of nutella (with a spoon) and realising that I had an engagement party to go to next weekend. This wouldn't be a problem as I have a few work clothes that would have been ok. UNTIL... I had another look at the invitation... Semi-formal/Cocktail (enter expletives here... and many of them).
Hence I put that spoon down... after finishing the jar of course and made my weekly eating plan for the next week. I have managed to exercise every day for 20 mins... which isn't to bad after 6 months off and have tracked everything that has passed my lips. I have saved points and rekindled the desire to get back into that wardrobe!!! I was reminded how important that was on Tuesday when one of the only 2 pairs of slacks I have for work broke. I went to the toilet before going home and as I was doing up the zipper... it broke... lucky my shirt was long enough to cover it. Devastated that it meant I had to go shopping for clothes when I have a WHOLE wardrobe of clothes that don't fit has just made me more determined.
Plus, I always wanted to get to goal. I never wanted to just focus on any number. I want to be in my healthy weight range. I want to be normal not obese or overweight. I want to know that I can wear anything and not be worrying that my stomach is hanging over my pants. I really want my outsides to match my insides. I want to be hot and able to wear ANYTHING I want!!!
So here I am blogging to cement this commitment. Whether anyone reads it or not. I want to know that I can do this. I need to prove it to myself. After getting so close I know it is possible. I have even lowered my goal weight from 64 to 60 so I am midway in my healthy weight range. I don't want to just get there... I want to absolutely smash it.
This decision has already made me light. Having fat on your body is not nearly as heavy as the weight you carry around when you are half hearted about your decision. So no more half heartedness. I have worked out that if I am really good and resist hot chips and nutella (which believe me will be tough) that I can make it to goal by the end of the year.
So that is my goal. December here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well done on starting over.
ReplyDeleteSometimes that is the hardest thing to do! Admit you were defeated once (or many times) but that doesn't mean this time will end up the same!
As for clothes...it is a pain isn't it! But i am not like you...i haven't ever been thin, so i don't have any thin clothes to wear. I just got bigger and bigger from birth really! But now, i have no clothes. They are all too big, and the ones that do fit, are way too loose and I throw them out as I outgrow them! I need more, but money! i can't justify buying clothes which will only fit me for a few months. infact, i had jeans that fitted me for one week, then were falling off! They were brand new! I am going to go to the salvos or somewhere like that to buy some clothes for this stage where i am changing so much. but as yet, just haven't got the guts to go (i hate those shops!). I am also going to start buying thin clothes while i am on sale. but i am a little put off by that, as my shape is changing a lot so don't know if they will suit later.
oh the terrible things we have to go through...but gee i can think of worse things! LOL
Good on you for getting back on the wagon. You should be proud of yourself for nipping it in the bud now and not regaining ALL of you weight. You can and will do it. Just keep going.
ReplyDelete