MOTIVATION = MOTIVE + ACTION

OK I stuffed up badly last week. Lost focus for 5 days and managed to gain 5kgs!

Yes I wrote that correctly. After 1 week I gained 5kgs!

So I am dedicating this post to my psycologist who reminds me that MOTIVATION is a combination of having enough of a motive to take action.

What I needed was new motivation!

Although stress played a huge part, my mindset was a combination of the two.

My motivation when I started 8 weeks ago was because my clothes didn't fit at all! After 8 weeks and 10kgs I had already met that goal. I think this enabled me to talk myself into eating.

The last 2 days have been quite difficult. The wake up call was puting my pants on Monday morning and realising they were TIGHT! Last week they were loose! I was even thinking about wearing the smaller size. Maybe I should have and that woud have lulled my brain into thinking I had to keep going... I have managed to stay very close to my pts. I went over by a couple of pts yesterday but I did have bonus pts. I just don't usually count those pts so I am not used to eating them. I saved them in case I have something come up. Today so far I am within my pts also and have exercised. I have been drinking my water and tracking everything.

Onwards and Downwards.

I can't dwell on the past. I just wanted a reminder for the next time this happens.

Note to self: Get new motivations after every 5kgs. Just in case. Look at 'fat' pictures. Try on tight clothes. Anything.

I am just glad it only took me 1 week to realise and not longer.

2.4 then STS

Last week I managed a loss of 2.4kg. I was so excited. It means I have lost 10kgs so far. In 6 weeks I think that's a damn good effort even if I do say so myself. I have been working so hard on the treadmill and staying within my points that I am so glad my hard work has finally started to pay off.


This week I changed my WI day from Monday to Sunday. No loss this week but also no gain. I am ok with this after 2 really good losses. I also had more sugar pts than I normally do and with only 6 days between WI's I didn't really expect much. I always want a loss but I am ok with STS.


Next week I am hoping for another loss. A good one would be nice but I am ok with any loss. I am trying really hard at the moment to get my butt into gear and start exercising. I am finding it difficult though as I am really busy with work. Need to write assessments for all my student. My least favourite time of year. I may need to put a lock on the fridge. This is the hardest time for mean to remain sane and focused.


Wish me luck!

2.2 Loss!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!

I am absolutely ecstatic. I have lost 2.2 this week. After 2 weeks of gains my body has finally given in and fat has left the house for good. I worked my butt off last week and deserve this loss. It is so good to finally have a loss.

I was just fixing up my tickers and My journey so far and I realised I have actually lost 7.6kgs in 5 weeks. That is a pretty amazing loss if I do say so myself. All that treadmill time and all the passing on food has finally given me what I was after.

I have been thinking about how long it will take until I get to goal because I just want this to be over with. I am really hoping for the end of the year. I am not sure if that is asking too much or not. I still have 29.2 to lose and if I plan on roughly 1kg a week then it could happen. There is 36 weeks until the end of December. I know that it is doable, but I have this nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me I will fall of the wagon before that happens. I don't want to listen to this voice of course. Part of me realises that it is just negative energy trying to derail me but them another part of me has been here before. Even closer than this. Last year I was down to 75kgs and I was 11 kgs from goal (it was 64kgs). That was the closest that I came to reaching goal and it had taken me soooo long. Then a bout of anxiety rendered me helpless and I just ate and ate and ate.

The medicated part of me tells me that it cant happen again... then that damn voice comes back and says it can. How do I not listen to that stupid voice. I really want this and I know I can do it because I have lost and gain the same 10-20kgs a dozen times. Hmmm... that doesn't help my argument does it.

I really want to have kids soon. My partner and I have been discussing it for a couple of years now and I have always said that we BOTH have to be at goal for it to happen. I will not give our children a start in life that could set them up for weight problems. I dont even really have my own food problems under control. I am hoping that by goal I can be the right sort of role model. I am definitely not that yet.

Monday is our take away night. We eat wayyyy too much on Monday but have all week to make up for it. Last week we had Maccas, tonight was fish n chips. I spend the rest of the week making up for my one meal. I know its not really worth it points wise... but I figured a planned blow out is better than a binge. Right?? Well my view may change on that as my weight loss progresses but at this points I love the choice WW gives me.

Its a shame though that with my loss this week that it means I have to go down in points. Not only that but my HRM does fitness tests to calculate my calories burned and as my fitness has improved I have also taken a reduction in the number of calories burned per session. Double whammy. Although at least I know how many calories I have burned and can convert it to points as it means I take a lot of the guess work out of it. I did 6 sessions last week and I plan on doing 6 sessions this week also. I try and make my sessions as hard as possible to get the most calories burnt. I also make sure I do some incidental exercise on my day off. I love walking around the shops all day. This week I also had to change my tyre as it was flat. Not my most fun activity but definitely needed doing or I wasn't going to be going anywhere.

Gain again??? WTF

Ok so it was only 0.2kgs. I guess looking back I didn't make the best food choices but I definately stayed within my points. I triple checked everything. If I hadn't eaten out so much maybe it wouldn't have been a gain. Maybe I would have STS.

Regardless I was shattered on Monday after WI. So shattered I didn't really want to post on here. I did post on the WW boards but I didn't really feel like sharing on here as I didn't want to be too negative. Honestly the first thing I thought about after I stepped on the scales was "Well I have stuffed it now... what can I eat... Maccas? KFC? Nutella?". It only lasted about 10 seconds. I reminded myself that I want this, I deserve this and if I keep following the program I WILL lose weight.

I have been really good this week. It was my birthday on Monday. I did have Maccas on Monday night and probably ate more than I should have but I had worked out the points and planned it and I have worked really hard all week to save the points. I actually think knowing I was having Maccas for dinner was the only thing that stopped me from eating during the day. I try to always plan when I am going to eat take away and plan for it down to the exact points value by saving and earning bonus pts.

I know some people don't agree with this way of eating but it works for me... I love my food and no matter how long I don't eat it for I always want it and eventually will cave. I find it better if I plan for the cave and stay within my pts. I have lost over 30kgs like this so it can't be all bad. Actually I lost over 40 but put some back on. I want to be able to maintain this and food all food will always be a part of it so I want to be able to include it.

Oh dear!

What a weekend. I went out to lunch yesterday at Yum Cha and I was really good. I didn't eat very much, although I did have 14pts. I made healthy choices and didn't eat as much as I normally would have. I never normally count how many dumplings I had and it was so hard to keep track but I did. I was able to calculate the points because I planned ahead and knew what everything was worth.

When I got home however I couldn't stop eating! Yesterday I managed to consume 39pts. How is that even possible. Although I definitely wanted to eat more and stopped myself before I got out of control. With saved and bonus pts I earned this week I managed to say 1pt under what I had left. I kept counting pts as I was eating. What a strange binge. Once I had eaten everything my stomach could handle and only had 1 pt left, I stopped!

I can't believe I managed to stop myself, I didn't want to stop myself I wanted to just say F!$# it. Thank goodness I didn't because I don't want to undo all my hard work. I am sure however that eating all that food is definitely going to have an affect on the scales tomorrow.

I am trying not to feel guilty about it all because I really did well considering I could have eaten everything is the house. Believe me I had plenty left to keep me going for a while. Although everything in the house is point friendly, I do keep a well stocked pantry. I create a meal plan each Sunday for every meal, snack and exercise. This usually means I know what I am eating every day and I keep to 99% of the time.

This week has been a little crazy, with school holidays and my partner also being on holidays, we have had something on almost every day which meant we were eating out of the house. Considering my week I think I have done well to break even. I don't like using my bonus pts if I can help it. I will eat some of them but like to try and keep it at about half.

The worst part about it all is that my little devil is trying to convince me that even though I didn't eat over my points that I am still going to have a gain or STS so I might as well keep eating. I am trying really hard to fight him but he just has such good arguments sometimes. He knows exactly what to say to make me think yeh true I might just eat it.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't usually borrow pts from other says without having them but I am going to have too tomorrow as my partner is planning on baking the delicious cake they made on the biggest loser master class. I have worked out all the points and if we can get 12 serves it will be 4pts/slice. We have decide on using almonds and substituting 1 cup with almond meal. We are also going out for dinner and I have planned on having a high point dinner. I don't want to use an excuse to cover me... I think your birthday should just be about the person. I have always taken my birthday as a free day to eat whatever I want. I have always counted points and either saved all week or made them up. I plan on doing this again this year. I was good all over easter and will be good at xmas as well. I know which wars are worth dropping and this one wins every year. I am going to eat what I like and I WILL make it up over the week.

That's another good reason to fight it today as I know tomorrow will be a high point day.

I want to get to goal too badly to continue eating after tomorrow. It might be difficult but I know it is possible. I have managed to break lots of habits this time around. Next week will be my 5th week on the program and I have already lost over 5kgs so I am looking for at least 1 kg tomorrow as I want to keep my average at around 1kg per week. I know that not all weeks go like that. Last week certainly didn't with a gain. I really hope 1 silly day wont derail it. If it does I will know better for next time. I need to make sure I learn from mistakes I make.

Can I have some more???

Its my last week of holidays and I am really not liking the idea of it being over. I have been so busy. The first week my partner didn't have holidays as she is at TAFE and so I kept myself busy with appointments and catching up with the aids I worked wih at my school last year. I did my exercise in the morning and then I was in the right frame of mind to stick with my points the rest of the day. This week because she has been home my exercise has waited until the end of the day like when I am at work. I don't know why this is making it difficult but today after being out all day I didn't feel like exercising... so I didn't. This sometimes happens when I am at school also. I get home and have my afternoon snack and then jump on the treadmill. Then dinner and then I get back to working again.

Today was a little different... I didn't feel like exercising AND I wanted to eat... anything! By the time we got home I was so hungry that I just wanted to grab some junk and pig out. I managed to fight that urge and had dinner but now all I want to do is eat.

I have been trying to save pts this week for Hi tea and my birthday lunch on the weekend. Today as we were out I made a bad lunch choice. Actually it wasn't that bad... just high in points. We had Lord of the Fries. I got a mini burger and shared a box of chips with 4 people I could have eaten a HUGE burger and the chips with no problems... but I didn't). As yet they don't have nutritional information for their food so I have had to guess a little and decided I had probably had 12pts for lunch. This meant that I would go over my usual 19 pts so I can save 4. Too late though... I wanted the food because its so yum so I ate it... I don't feel guilty (well only slightly). Plus while I was out I was planning to get on the treadmill. Once I got home and just couldn't drag myself on I was a little annoyed as it meant not only did I not have any saved pts, I also didn't make any bonus pts. Although I did walk around most of the day I never count this as pts as I stand all day usually so its built into my pts allowance. I have saved the last 2 days and earned 8 bonus pts so far but I have to get some more before Saturday.

Although I know this is entirely possible... tonite because I was tired I also decided to have a 1pt square of chocolate. So now I have eaten 1/2pt over my daily pts. How strange this is from my last WW journey! Before I would have been kicking myself for eating 12 extra pts... now its for a 1/2.

I know that by the end of this week I can earn more bonus pts but I don't want to put too big a dint in them tomorrow. I had a plan for this week and its already stuffed. I need to make a new plan. I am not due to go out tomorrow until 1.30 so I can walk earlier but I really want a bit of a sleep in... I can walk friday and sunday I will try saturday but I don't want to count on it. Thats 12 pts. I can also save 4 pts friday and sunday. So all up that's an extra 20 pts. I have already got 15.5 pts so that gives me 35.5 extra pts. Then I can spend some tomorrow and some on saturday. Even if I only get 25-30 pts that should absolutely be enough. (fingers crossed... yum cha can be so evil)

Now if only I wasn't so desperate to eat now then I think I would feel confident with this plan. At the moment it feels unattainable as I am just not in the mood to worry about pts. I just want to drive to maccas get some chips and pig out. I am not really sure if its because I am tired or angry at myself for not sticking to the plan or I am actually hungry. I am not good at telling when I feel hungry... I only get a rumble sometimes and I move from feeling nothing to starving... starving to the point that I have to eat NOW! I don't know how to work out when I am hungry. At school I eat when I have to because I have no choice the only time I tend to notice is when I get home from work and when I get in bed at night... I always feel hungry then, but I am usually able to disregard it and go to sleep.

ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FEED ME... no I think I will have a tea... and a bit of my partners rice crisp... surely a bite is 0pts!!! hehehe

Maybe I should just go to bed...

What Happened!

OK... I don't really know what happened when I stepped on the scales this morning. I didn't expect a huge loss this week. I was hoping for the 800gms to get me to 90 because then I get to go the the Gold Class cinemas.

What I got was a a 400gm gain. I stepped on the scales and looked down... WTF... it was a 800gm gain. I thought that can't be right and looked down and realised the scales weren't in the right spot! (because of course I couldn't have gained) I jumped off and moved them because I knew that had to be a mistake. Well it was a mistake... just the number, not the gain. 400gms.

I know its not much of a gain especially since I have still lost 5.6kgs in 3 weeks but I was so upset. Not because I gained, but because I gained AND I did everything I was supposed to.

I tracked EVERYTHING!

I exercised 40 mins 6 days!

I drank 2L's every day!

I weighed EVERYTHING I ate at home!

The first thing I thought about when I jumped off the scales was well I did the right thing and I still gained... I might as well eat (I am pretty sure the devil had managed to climb back up onto my shoulder). Thank goodness that little angel can scream!

I sat down and looked through my tracking... no definitely added everything up properly. I am still not 100% sure what happened but I have a couple of theories.

1) The devil and angel are damn heavy

2) I had 19 sugar pts

3) I ate out a few times (all within my pts)

4) I saved 4pts and earned 4 bonus pts per day and ate them later in the week.

OK so that's more than a couple of theories. However, none of them really should make that much difference. So I am feeling a little bit annoyed with my body for not complying with my wishes to lose weight. How dear it defy me in that way! I know its easier being fat than thin but if my mind isn't that lazy and my legs are doing their part with exercise, you would think the fat could take that as a hint... Maybe it needs more of a push. So me and fat are going to sit down and have a chat.

Me - "Ok Fat you are no longer wanted... some of you can stay but for now I want the rest of you to pack you bags and wait at the station for the next train"

Fat - "But we like it here... we have friends and a home... we have been here such a long time, some of us have recently arrived and we don't want to leave, we have nowhere else to go."

Me - "Hmmm, well there wont be any more Nutella, or chips and you're going to have to move more than you want... we will be walking every day... REALLY fast!!! So what do you think about that?"

Fat - "We don't think you will... but if you keep doing it EVERY week we will have no choice but to leave... but we're going to hang around for as long as possible and make it hard for you to exercise... AND we will help that devil climb back up every time you flick him off"

Me - "Then I am going to make sure that you leave... I will show you Fat... I am the ruler of this body not you!"

God who knew fat was so hard to get rid of... making it hard for me to lose weight... maybe that's what happened today... maybe fat held its breath while I jumped on the scales to make me weigh more!! Haha

So today I have eaten my pts (but saved 4 for my busy week this week) and I did my 40mins on the treadmill. I can't say that I really felt like it but I did it anyway. Due to an injury I had to get rid of the incline and do it on a flat surface and I wasn't able to go as fast as I normally do but I managed to get into my zone on the HR monitor and stay there for 20mins, so I was pretty please with that and I was able to walk at 6.1 without holding on like I normally do with the incline.

So I hope fat is paying attention because I really want a loss next week. I have so much on this week, including hi tea at the Windsor but I am confident that I can stay within my points. When I did my food plan for the week I made allowances for everything and I have a plan for the number of points I can spend at each event so that I can try and stick within my points. If worst comes to worst I will have to spend all of Sunday on the treadmill. Although I will have to work on Sunday to get my class ready for next term. Damn holidays always go so fast!