2.2 Loss!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!

I am absolutely ecstatic. I have lost 2.2 this week. After 2 weeks of gains my body has finally given in and fat has left the house for good. I worked my butt off last week and deserve this loss. It is so good to finally have a loss.

I was just fixing up my tickers and My journey so far and I realised I have actually lost 7.6kgs in 5 weeks. That is a pretty amazing loss if I do say so myself. All that treadmill time and all the passing on food has finally given me what I was after.

I have been thinking about how long it will take until I get to goal because I just want this to be over with. I am really hoping for the end of the year. I am not sure if that is asking too much or not. I still have 29.2 to lose and if I plan on roughly 1kg a week then it could happen. There is 36 weeks until the end of December. I know that it is doable, but I have this nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me I will fall of the wagon before that happens. I don't want to listen to this voice of course. Part of me realises that it is just negative energy trying to derail me but them another part of me has been here before. Even closer than this. Last year I was down to 75kgs and I was 11 kgs from goal (it was 64kgs). That was the closest that I came to reaching goal and it had taken me soooo long. Then a bout of anxiety rendered me helpless and I just ate and ate and ate.

The medicated part of me tells me that it cant happen again... then that damn voice comes back and says it can. How do I not listen to that stupid voice. I really want this and I know I can do it because I have lost and gain the same 10-20kgs a dozen times. Hmmm... that doesn't help my argument does it.

I really want to have kids soon. My partner and I have been discussing it for a couple of years now and I have always said that we BOTH have to be at goal for it to happen. I will not give our children a start in life that could set them up for weight problems. I dont even really have my own food problems under control. I am hoping that by goal I can be the right sort of role model. I am definitely not that yet.

Monday is our take away night. We eat wayyyy too much on Monday but have all week to make up for it. Last week we had Maccas, tonight was fish n chips. I spend the rest of the week making up for my one meal. I know its not really worth it points wise... but I figured a planned blow out is better than a binge. Right?? Well my view may change on that as my weight loss progresses but at this points I love the choice WW gives me.

Its a shame though that with my loss this week that it means I have to go down in points. Not only that but my HRM does fitness tests to calculate my calories burned and as my fitness has improved I have also taken a reduction in the number of calories burned per session. Double whammy. Although at least I know how many calories I have burned and can convert it to points as it means I take a lot of the guess work out of it. I did 6 sessions last week and I plan on doing 6 sessions this week also. I try and make my sessions as hard as possible to get the most calories burnt. I also make sure I do some incidental exercise on my day off. I love walking around the shops all day. This week I also had to change my tyre as it was flat. Not my most fun activity but definitely needed doing or I wasn't going to be going anywhere.

Gain again??? WTF

Ok so it was only 0.2kgs. I guess looking back I didn't make the best food choices but I definately stayed within my points. I triple checked everything. If I hadn't eaten out so much maybe it wouldn't have been a gain. Maybe I would have STS.

Regardless I was shattered on Monday after WI. So shattered I didn't really want to post on here. I did post on the WW boards but I didn't really feel like sharing on here as I didn't want to be too negative. Honestly the first thing I thought about after I stepped on the scales was "Well I have stuffed it now... what can I eat... Maccas? KFC? Nutella?". It only lasted about 10 seconds. I reminded myself that I want this, I deserve this and if I keep following the program I WILL lose weight.

I have been really good this week. It was my birthday on Monday. I did have Maccas on Monday night and probably ate more than I should have but I had worked out the points and planned it and I have worked really hard all week to save the points. I actually think knowing I was having Maccas for dinner was the only thing that stopped me from eating during the day. I try to always plan when I am going to eat take away and plan for it down to the exact points value by saving and earning bonus pts.

I know some people don't agree with this way of eating but it works for me... I love my food and no matter how long I don't eat it for I always want it and eventually will cave. I find it better if I plan for the cave and stay within my pts. I have lost over 30kgs like this so it can't be all bad. Actually I lost over 40 but put some back on. I want to be able to maintain this and food all food will always be a part of it so I want to be able to include it.

Oh dear!

What a weekend. I went out to lunch yesterday at Yum Cha and I was really good. I didn't eat very much, although I did have 14pts. I made healthy choices and didn't eat as much as I normally would have. I never normally count how many dumplings I had and it was so hard to keep track but I did. I was able to calculate the points because I planned ahead and knew what everything was worth.

When I got home however I couldn't stop eating! Yesterday I managed to consume 39pts. How is that even possible. Although I definitely wanted to eat more and stopped myself before I got out of control. With saved and bonus pts I earned this week I managed to say 1pt under what I had left. I kept counting pts as I was eating. What a strange binge. Once I had eaten everything my stomach could handle and only had 1 pt left, I stopped!

I can't believe I managed to stop myself, I didn't want to stop myself I wanted to just say F!$# it. Thank goodness I didn't because I don't want to undo all my hard work. I am sure however that eating all that food is definitely going to have an affect on the scales tomorrow.

I am trying not to feel guilty about it all because I really did well considering I could have eaten everything is the house. Believe me I had plenty left to keep me going for a while. Although everything in the house is point friendly, I do keep a well stocked pantry. I create a meal plan each Sunday for every meal, snack and exercise. This usually means I know what I am eating every day and I keep to 99% of the time.

This week has been a little crazy, with school holidays and my partner also being on holidays, we have had something on almost every day which meant we were eating out of the house. Considering my week I think I have done well to break even. I don't like using my bonus pts if I can help it. I will eat some of them but like to try and keep it at about half.

The worst part about it all is that my little devil is trying to convince me that even though I didn't eat over my points that I am still going to have a gain or STS so I might as well keep eating. I am trying really hard to fight him but he just has such good arguments sometimes. He knows exactly what to say to make me think yeh true I might just eat it.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't usually borrow pts from other says without having them but I am going to have too tomorrow as my partner is planning on baking the delicious cake they made on the biggest loser master class. I have worked out all the points and if we can get 12 serves it will be 4pts/slice. We have decide on using almonds and substituting 1 cup with almond meal. We are also going out for dinner and I have planned on having a high point dinner. I don't want to use an excuse to cover me... I think your birthday should just be about the person. I have always taken my birthday as a free day to eat whatever I want. I have always counted points and either saved all week or made them up. I plan on doing this again this year. I was good all over easter and will be good at xmas as well. I know which wars are worth dropping and this one wins every year. I am going to eat what I like and I WILL make it up over the week.

That's another good reason to fight it today as I know tomorrow will be a high point day.

I want to get to goal too badly to continue eating after tomorrow. It might be difficult but I know it is possible. I have managed to break lots of habits this time around. Next week will be my 5th week on the program and I have already lost over 5kgs so I am looking for at least 1 kg tomorrow as I want to keep my average at around 1kg per week. I know that not all weeks go like that. Last week certainly didn't with a gain. I really hope 1 silly day wont derail it. If it does I will know better for next time. I need to make sure I learn from mistakes I make.

Can I have some more???

Its my last week of holidays and I am really not liking the idea of it being over. I have been so busy. The first week my partner didn't have holidays as she is at TAFE and so I kept myself busy with appointments and catching up with the aids I worked wih at my school last year. I did my exercise in the morning and then I was in the right frame of mind to stick with my points the rest of the day. This week because she has been home my exercise has waited until the end of the day like when I am at work. I don't know why this is making it difficult but today after being out all day I didn't feel like exercising... so I didn't. This sometimes happens when I am at school also. I get home and have my afternoon snack and then jump on the treadmill. Then dinner and then I get back to working again.

Today was a little different... I didn't feel like exercising AND I wanted to eat... anything! By the time we got home I was so hungry that I just wanted to grab some junk and pig out. I managed to fight that urge and had dinner but now all I want to do is eat.

I have been trying to save pts this week for Hi tea and my birthday lunch on the weekend. Today as we were out I made a bad lunch choice. Actually it wasn't that bad... just high in points. We had Lord of the Fries. I got a mini burger and shared a box of chips with 4 people I could have eaten a HUGE burger and the chips with no problems... but I didn't). As yet they don't have nutritional information for their food so I have had to guess a little and decided I had probably had 12pts for lunch. This meant that I would go over my usual 19 pts so I can save 4. Too late though... I wanted the food because its so yum so I ate it... I don't feel guilty (well only slightly). Plus while I was out I was planning to get on the treadmill. Once I got home and just couldn't drag myself on I was a little annoyed as it meant not only did I not have any saved pts, I also didn't make any bonus pts. Although I did walk around most of the day I never count this as pts as I stand all day usually so its built into my pts allowance. I have saved the last 2 days and earned 8 bonus pts so far but I have to get some more before Saturday.

Although I know this is entirely possible... tonite because I was tired I also decided to have a 1pt square of chocolate. So now I have eaten 1/2pt over my daily pts. How strange this is from my last WW journey! Before I would have been kicking myself for eating 12 extra pts... now its for a 1/2.

I know that by the end of this week I can earn more bonus pts but I don't want to put too big a dint in them tomorrow. I had a plan for this week and its already stuffed. I need to make a new plan. I am not due to go out tomorrow until 1.30 so I can walk earlier but I really want a bit of a sleep in... I can walk friday and sunday I will try saturday but I don't want to count on it. Thats 12 pts. I can also save 4 pts friday and sunday. So all up that's an extra 20 pts. I have already got 15.5 pts so that gives me 35.5 extra pts. Then I can spend some tomorrow and some on saturday. Even if I only get 25-30 pts that should absolutely be enough. (fingers crossed... yum cha can be so evil)

Now if only I wasn't so desperate to eat now then I think I would feel confident with this plan. At the moment it feels unattainable as I am just not in the mood to worry about pts. I just want to drive to maccas get some chips and pig out. I am not really sure if its because I am tired or angry at myself for not sticking to the plan or I am actually hungry. I am not good at telling when I feel hungry... I only get a rumble sometimes and I move from feeling nothing to starving... starving to the point that I have to eat NOW! I don't know how to work out when I am hungry. At school I eat when I have to because I have no choice the only time I tend to notice is when I get home from work and when I get in bed at night... I always feel hungry then, but I am usually able to disregard it and go to sleep.

ARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FEED ME... no I think I will have a tea... and a bit of my partners rice crisp... surely a bite is 0pts!!! hehehe

Maybe I should just go to bed...

What Happened!

OK... I don't really know what happened when I stepped on the scales this morning. I didn't expect a huge loss this week. I was hoping for the 800gms to get me to 90 because then I get to go the the Gold Class cinemas.

What I got was a a 400gm gain. I stepped on the scales and looked down... WTF... it was a 800gm gain. I thought that can't be right and looked down and realised the scales weren't in the right spot! (because of course I couldn't have gained) I jumped off and moved them because I knew that had to be a mistake. Well it was a mistake... just the number, not the gain. 400gms.

I know its not much of a gain especially since I have still lost 5.6kgs in 3 weeks but I was so upset. Not because I gained, but because I gained AND I did everything I was supposed to.

I tracked EVERYTHING!

I exercised 40 mins 6 days!

I drank 2L's every day!

I weighed EVERYTHING I ate at home!

The first thing I thought about when I jumped off the scales was well I did the right thing and I still gained... I might as well eat (I am pretty sure the devil had managed to climb back up onto my shoulder). Thank goodness that little angel can scream!

I sat down and looked through my tracking... no definitely added everything up properly. I am still not 100% sure what happened but I have a couple of theories.

1) The devil and angel are damn heavy

2) I had 19 sugar pts

3) I ate out a few times (all within my pts)

4) I saved 4pts and earned 4 bonus pts per day and ate them later in the week.

OK so that's more than a couple of theories. However, none of them really should make that much difference. So I am feeling a little bit annoyed with my body for not complying with my wishes to lose weight. How dear it defy me in that way! I know its easier being fat than thin but if my mind isn't that lazy and my legs are doing their part with exercise, you would think the fat could take that as a hint... Maybe it needs more of a push. So me and fat are going to sit down and have a chat.

Me - "Ok Fat you are no longer wanted... some of you can stay but for now I want the rest of you to pack you bags and wait at the station for the next train"

Fat - "But we like it here... we have friends and a home... we have been here such a long time, some of us have recently arrived and we don't want to leave, we have nowhere else to go."

Me - "Hmmm, well there wont be any more Nutella, or chips and you're going to have to move more than you want... we will be walking every day... REALLY fast!!! So what do you think about that?"

Fat - "We don't think you will... but if you keep doing it EVERY week we will have no choice but to leave... but we're going to hang around for as long as possible and make it hard for you to exercise... AND we will help that devil climb back up every time you flick him off"

Me - "Then I am going to make sure that you leave... I will show you Fat... I am the ruler of this body not you!"

God who knew fat was so hard to get rid of... making it hard for me to lose weight... maybe that's what happened today... maybe fat held its breath while I jumped on the scales to make me weigh more!! Haha

So today I have eaten my pts (but saved 4 for my busy week this week) and I did my 40mins on the treadmill. I can't say that I really felt like it but I did it anyway. Due to an injury I had to get rid of the incline and do it on a flat surface and I wasn't able to go as fast as I normally do but I managed to get into my zone on the HR monitor and stay there for 20mins, so I was pretty please with that and I was able to walk at 6.1 without holding on like I normally do with the incline.

So I hope fat is paying attention because I really want a loss next week. I have so much on this week, including hi tea at the Windsor but I am confident that I can stay within my points. When I did my food plan for the week I made allowances for everything and I have a plan for the number of points I can spend at each event so that I can try and stick within my points. If worst comes to worst I will have to spend all of Sunday on the treadmill. Although I will have to work on Sunday to get my class ready for next term. Damn holidays always go so fast!

Just have ONE!

I have had a difficult time this week keeping my head in the game. I have still done really well but I have been having constant arguments with the little devil on my shoulder. I have kept within my points this week and still have a few leftover saved and bonus pts.

I went out to dinner on Thursday with a few friends. We went to a pub in South Melb which is known for the best parma and even though I don't eat meat I just HAD to have one. I had preplanned this in my points and had been doing 40 mins of exercise every day to make sure I had enough points. I had decided before I went that I would only eat some of it because otherwise it would be 14pts. Luckily the boys I went with never have any problems finishing my food... lol. I asked for vegies not slathered in butter so I ate them first and then I tasted the parma... It was absolutely divine. I have to say I really only enjoyed the first 5 mouthfuls and then I lost the flavour. I still had about 5 more mouthfuls to make sure... then I gave some to my partner and my friend finished the rest.

As it came with chips (which I can't resist) I then did the same thing with them. I only left a couple of them so I counted them as 7pts instead of 9pts. I enjoyed every single chip and felt fantastic when I covered my plate with the napkin.

They didn't have any nice desert so we decided to get gelato and I had a small cup which was 5 pts. I love my gelato so I ate every drop... YUM! All in all I was pretty proud of my dinner efforts. I didn't have any trouble staying within my allocated points.

Friday was when the little devil appeared. We had been at the Melbourne Storm game all day,(Storm won of course!! and beat my partners team StGeorge Dragons) and were so good we took all our own food and bypassed all the greasy food shops. Boy did they smell good tho!! On the way home I had a coffee from one of my fav coffee places.

Dinner was a little later than usual but all still within my pts. Then my partner asked it I wanted a peppermint tea with one of WW Choc Brownies... sure why not I thought. I have bypassed everything I wanted today, I deserve this... WRONG!!! I had one... gone in about 3 seconds and absolutely delicious!!! Hmmm I have enough pts for another... why not... 3 seconds later GONE! Then the little devil said 'Its ok u can binge on these they are WW's just have another one... you have saved pts left and you haven't even touched your bonus pts'. Just as I was about to get another one, the little angle on my other shoulder reminded 'You are so close to 90kgs and going to the Gold Class cinemas for your reward'. I thought about it, while the devil tried to blow her of my shoulder, and decided it was time to distract myself...

I was so torn... yummy food... under 90kg... yummy food... under 90kg... OMG why is it so hard to resist... I stayed on the couch and didn't have another one... but I was so close to ruining everything... I want to lose this weight but food is so yummy... I just wish I had more control.

Yesterday (Saturday) because I was so good on Friday, I decided it would be ok to share a low fat cheesecake with my partner... was that the devil... I am not sure, as I forgot to check... lol! It was only 2.5pts each so not too bad anyway. Within my pts... but I know how this slippery slope travels... its definitely not downwards!

Today is so hard being Easter Sunday nothing is open and I have nothing to distract me from eating. I haven't been out of control but it would be so easy. In saying that, I do have points left so it wouldn't be a complete blow out (that sounds like the devil again) ... I just don't want to do it so early in the game/journey (Thank god for the angel). It's only the end of week 3 today and I have WI tomorrow... I can't wait to see how all the things I have eaten have affected my loss (hopefully no gain). I have already lost 6kg and I brought myself 2 gorgeous pendents because I thought I deserved them. Although I am sure when I booked my hairdresser appt for next week that was the same reason... other than my hair is so long I can almost tie it up... which is not my style at all... I am trialing a new hairdresser and if they cut well I will go back and let them colour it.

I will post my loss tomorrow. I don't have anything on this easter... No one in my family celebrates it so it is just a lazy weekend for me. I am on holidays as I am a primary teacher and when I started WW again 3 weeks ago I thought I was going to have a really hard time while on hols but it has been ok. I have keep myself busy with the WW chat and other appts that I never get time to do when I am teaching... Next week I will be spending a lot of time with my nan. My cousin and I are both teachers so every holidays we take my nan shopping for a day as she loves to shop and make a full day of it including lunch. This year we are also going out for a fancy lunch at the Sofitel in the city... I am really worried about that as their deserts are too die for!!! Maybe I wont eat any food just deserts... lol. I don't have as much time next week to exercise so it is going to be so hard. I need to make time I guess. At least my nan wont keep us out too late... she is still going stong not quite 70 yet and very blunt so if I eat anything too bad she will tell me... no question about it.

I feel sorry for you guys having to read my long posts... I apologise. I am a chatter from way back and I can't help rambling!